NAKID Dictionary Part 3

Here are a few more entries that you may have heard around the bars:

NAKIDcest
v. Occurs when individuals that play for several teams meet in competition, forcing those players to choose their favorite team and causing the other team to suffer. Typically occurs during the playoffs.

Base Rape
v., n. When two players collide during a game so violently one has to ask "Did I just score?"

Jello Jizz
n. The remnants of a jello shot that typically end up on ones hands or chest after consuming one of the free jello shots NAKID hands out at parties.

The Kickball Ramblings: What's in a Name?

While every kickball team has a name, not every team name is going to be a great one. Some team names may inspire awe and fear in the hearts of their opponents, while others may simply bring about mockery.

I will take a look at some of the various team names throughout the league, and give a brief analysis:

Sex Cymbal – I understand that cymbal and symbol are homonyms, but I don’t get the significance of the name. Does the team own a lucky cymbal? Are there drummers on the team? Since I’ve seen no evidence of that, it seems like they’re simply using a homonym for the sake of using a homonym. (And that sets the record for most times the word homonym has been used in a kickball related blog!)

The Pink Team – Well, their shirt color is pink, so I guess they’re being honest. Still, this is the best they could come up with? This is the least creative name since “Dave Matthews Band.”

Junkyard Dawgs – Didn’t the whole “misspell a word to make it seem cooler” fad die off in the early 2000s? Why not go the whole nine yards and call yourselves the Junkyard Dawgz? Ending the word in a Z makes it even better!

Monumental Balls – Nicely done. They’re implying that they have huge testicles, while also making a reference to Washington ,D.C. I do love me a double entendre.

We’ve Got Tiger Blood – Charlie Sheen references are SO early March.

Tiger’s Blood – Is having an almost identical name as another team kind of like showing up to prom and finding another girl wearing the same dress?

I Kicked a Ball and I Liked it – See what they did here? They took the name of a popular song title and changed the words so that it relates to kickball. The problem with song related names is that they become dated really fast.

Kick Me…Baby One More Time – See above, except add an extra eight years to the song reference.

Too Legit to Kick – See above, but add another eight years on top of that.

Abe Drinkin – I have to admit, this one makes me laugh every time I see it.

Spearmint Platypus – Now this is a great name. What does it mean? Is it a reference to something that I simply don’t (or can’t) understand? You just know that a team with a name like this has to be great.

Menace to Sobriety – I told them I’d write something nice about them in the Brew, so I will compliment their team name. Yes, there are lots of teams with pun names involving drinking, but this is one of the better ones.

Drinking You Pretty – This name is just classic and sums up the NAKID experience.

Spitzer Swallows – Speaking of dated references…I don’t know whether to credit their perseverance in sticking with the same name all these years, or criticize them for their lack of relevance.

kicksЯus – Good job with making the R backwards. That turned a potentially lame name into a very good one.

Y’all Ready For This?!?! – I don’t get why they switched from being THAT Team. THAT Team was pretty accurate in describing them. And does the name really require two exclamation points and two question marks? Having one punctuation mark adds character. But four? That just seems like overcompensation.

Ballsagna Bubble Bees – I’m not sure what this name is all about, but it is alliterate, so that counts for something.

Oregon Ducks – I guess this is the Oregon alumni team or something? I realize that you want to rep your school and all, but you couldn’t have been at least a little more clever? How about the “Quack Pack,” or something along those lines? (On second thought, Quack Pack is even lamer than Oregon Ducks. Forget I suggested it.)

Munich Kickball Disaster 1958 – This one is so goofy that it works.

Drink Kick Drink! – They’ve basically summed up the kickball experience in their team name. And I like the fact that the name includes an exclamation point.

Trivia Question

Last week’s answer: Diet Coke contains more sodium in a 12 oz can.

This week’s question: Which of these NAKID teams has never won the flip cup Championship of the Universe?

A. Xtacles

B. Drinking You Pretty

C. Chuggernauts

D. Sex Cymbal

As always, answers can be emailed to TreachX@yahoo.com or submitted as a comment to this post. Correct answers earn a $0.20 prize.

Link that may (or may not) be an embarassing picture of Dan Boger:

http://tinyurl.com/3ka4jq4

Sunday 15 May Spring 2011

Sunday was a bit tamer than expected, but the rain probably scared many of you away. No worries, though, because the NAKIDs that showed up made up for the missing crowds with copious amounts of flip cup, pong, and bar dancing. Here's a special shout out to the Xtacles for getting your team together for what looked like a monster game of pong:

Ethically Flexible and Morally Casual celebrated funny hat day! Both teams rock for having a different theme each week and getting your players to the bar!

AmFo rocks the trucker hat. For reals.

Morally Casual in funny hats

These chicks were cool and looking for some fun times so the Brew snapped a picture:

And here's an extra special shout out to Bed Intruders for starting and being the dance party at MBP at all of 7pm. As you can see, they were having a very good time:

I want to say they're dancing to Ke$ha. I feel dirty for having to put that dollar sign in there.

More Bed Intruders before joining the dance party inside

Thanks to everyone who braved the rain (despite it being AFTER our games) to come out and have some good times with friends new and old.

Lush of the Week

This week's winners come from a nomination from their captain, Amanda of Ethically Flexible: "I would like to nominate two of my Ethically Flexible teammates for LOTW. The entire team started off with (extraordinarily strong) long islands and dancing on the bar at 4 P.M. at MBP. Tragically, thanks to brunch and said long islands, I was also drunk and don't much remember their shenanigans, but Facebook this morning informs me that Andrea Evans and Steve Kirtz both got kicked out of both Hamilton's and MBP (Has anyone else ever gotten kicked out of MBP in the history of ever?). At one point in the evening, Steve was wearing three hats on his head which is documented on Facebook. He also danced with the hats on his head (It was hat week.) Andrea saw Dan Boger at one point in the evening, told him she loved him, and forgot she even saw him. She then took the wrong metro home not once, not twice, but THREE times! As captain, I'm proud to be on a team that has never won a game, where only 10 people showed up yesterday, but I'm now nominating two of them for LOTW!"

Congratulations, Andrea and Steve! You both win LOTW! Do you know someone who is deserving? Email weeklybrew@gmail.com like Amanda did!

Don't forget, Sunday players, your midseason party is tonight at My Brother's Place and Hamilton's!! Get your tie-dye and fringed vest ready, because it's a 1960s theme! We've got beer, jello shots, and maybe their special punches will make a reappearance. The party is free for you, $5 for Wednesday and Thursday players, and $10 for your non-NAKID friends. Bring them and we'll lure them into our web...

NAKID Double Dare!

For many of us who grew up in the 80s, Double Dare was a staple of our television viewing. We would tune in to watch teams of children compete in various physical challenges, typically involving slime or fake food products. It was a delightful mess.

 In the league’s quest to recreate just about every classic game show (I’m still waiting for NAKID Press Your Luck!), NAKID held its own version of Double Dare. But in true NAKID spirit, their version wouldn’t involve diving down the “Sundae Slide” or searching for a flag in a giant sandwich. No, the NAKID version naturally introduced copious amounts of beer to the games. (Although this might have not been that much of a change from the original concept as host Marc Summers may have been thoroughly sauced back in the day.)

One of the teams gathers to discuss an answer

The hosts for the festivities were NAKID Social Director Erin and her trusty sidekick Jay. Much like Pat Sajak and Vanna White, they were effective co-hosts, including the patronizing small talk between rounds.

Erin and Jay keep the peace

Competing for a valuable prize package would be a group of sixteen teams with names such as Giggity, Camp Annawanna, and On a Scale of Anne Frank to Osama bin Laden, How Good Is My Hiding Place?

The format was similar to that of the show: One team would be asked a question, and they could either answer it or “dare” their opponents. The opposing team could either answer or “double dare” right back. The first team could either answer, or compete in a physical challenge.

The physical challenges required a great variety of skill sets. In “Beer Scramble” contestants minds were put to the test as they had to assemble a puzzle. In “Cookie Face” a contestant would have to move cookies from his forehead to mouth without the use of his hands or tongue:  


More hilarious in person

 And in “Bottoms Up” the contestants’ gag reflexes were measured as they chugged PBR cans and knocked them over with a yo-yo tied to their butt:

 

Standouts from the first two rounds included Erin from Bobby Mig and the Lady Lushes who “aced” the challenge in “Blow the Joker” (contestant had to chug a beer, stack a deck of cards on top and blow off all but the last card--the joker) and John from Bazinga! who had no problem with “A Bit Dicey” (balancing six die on a popsicle stick held in the mouth).

Nerves of steel

Despite some controversy stemming from their second round matchup, Bazinga! advanced to the final round. The rest of the final four included AmFo and the All F***s, Sinister Triple Dog Dare, and Marc Summers is my Dad. The four surviving teams would have to compete in a grueling obstacle course to see who would bring home the grand prize.

The obstacle course began with one team member pouring water from the upstairs window of Hamilton’s into a pitcher on the head of one of their teammates on the street below:

Finally we get messy

Once the pitcher was filled to a certain line, the contestant would have to search through a bin of red beans and locate the one black bean. Next, a contestant would have to sip beer through covered cups until they found the cup with a marked straw.

 

Pick wrong and you drink a lot of beer

After that, they would have to flip random cups until they found a cup with a special sticker.

The next part of the obstacle course required the contestant to throw a ping pong ball into a pitcher perched on the head of his teammate. Finally, all four team members would have to chug a beer and race up and down the block.

The final obstacle course was not for the weak

After the smoke cleared, the ultimate winners were Marc Summers is my Dad. One of their members was celebrating his birthday, and I’m sure he could not have asked for a better birthday present than the glory that is winning NAKID Double Dare.


Winners! They won a pinwheel!

And because we have no other logical place to publicly post this picture, here is Erin after Double Dare, several beers in, poking her finger in the flag hole and giggling:

Heh heh heh....hole

NAKID Dictionary Part Two

Brew Whore
n. A person who actively pursues getting their picture or name in the Weekly Brew; characterized by trying to be in every picture regardless of the actual subject, or recording every word they say for “I Don’t Remember Saying That,” or trying for LOTW every week.

Brew Whores in the back!

Tap Dance
n. A drinking challenge at Hamilton’s. Drink one pint from each of their 10 taps in 3 hours and win a t-shirt and bragging rights

Stride of Pride
n. The strut one has after increasing one’s NAKID Number after a party.

Thursday Kickball - 12 May Spring 2011

This week was a bit tamer than last week--maybe the lack of Cinco de Mayo took its toll? Or perhaps not having a bar dancing contest kept people from acting like such fools. Regardless, we still had a ton of fun, lots of beer, and at least a few shenanigans.

Watch the hands!

The Brew was happy to see lots of One Flip challenges going on! Don't hold back from a challenge because you think you may lose. At least you're drinking beer!

One Flip Champ!

Challenge accepted.

Once again, the bar dancing tradition was upheld. Thanks to all the girls for getting up there and shaking your groove thang--that's what makes NAKID special!

Work it!

LOTW: No one was worthy this week, but that doesn't mean some of you weren't drunken messes; the Brew just didn't know about it. Email weeklybrew@gmail.com to get your teammates and friends the coveted bandana!

And the latest "I Don't Remember Saying That":
I don't care if Brian cheats as long as the money keeps rolling in - Mona, We Beat Parker Lewis

Do you have any funny stories you want to share about the bar or your game? Leave it in the comments below. Smack talk is always accepted.

As always, here are some pics from the bar:

The Kickball Ramblings: Learn to Love the Bunt

At the beginning of every kickball season, as new teams and new players are added to the league, a familiar complaint can often be heard: Why do some teams bunt so much?

The actual complaint is usually much whinier, more along the lines of, “This team just bunts all the time. That’s so stupid.”

Well, to all of you who may have been among the complainers, this week’s lesson is for you.

Mike’s Guide to NAKID Culture: Part Two - Learn to Love the Bunt

The bunt is a well established part of adult kickball. It is a generally effective way for a kicker to get on base, and for the most part, the teams that bunt effectively are the teams that win.

But many people are not convinced that it should be a part of the game. Over the years, I’ve heard quite a few people rant about bunting and why it should be outlawed. I will share some of the more common arguments against bunting and explain why they are invalid:

1. It’s not how kickball is meant to be played. I suppose this technically correct, since kickball is probably meant to be played by grade schoolers during recess. Considering that NAKID is a bunch of adults (theoretically, at least) playing a children's game, should anyone really be judging on how the game is meant to be played?

2. It’s lame to just bunt your way onto base. Which is lamer: getting on base, running around, and scoring a run; or kicking the ball in the air, having it caught, and going back to the sideline? Also, please don’t complain about bunting not being manly enough. If you were really concerned about manliness in sports, you’d probably be playing football or doing mixed martial arts.

3. It’s too easy to bunt. Yes, it’s relatively easy to bunt the ball. Bunting the ball successfully is considerably more difficult. And remember, even the best bunting team needs to mix in a big kick every once in awhile too, or else they’re not going to score many runs.

I’m guessing that if you thought bunting was lame before, you’re probably not going to change your mind. But bunting isn’t going to be removed from the game, so you’ve got two options: continue to whine as your opponents bunt, or actually try to do something about it.

If you put strong defenders at pitcher, catcher, and shortstop,  it becomes much harder for a team to bunt successfully. I’ve seen games where a good catcher has essentially nullified the bunting game. Or maybe you could try bunting yourself. Who knows? You might even find that you like it.

Trivia Question:

Last week’s answer: There have been six indoor NAKID seasons. Andy D. was the only person to correctly answer this, and he will receive a $0.20 prize.

This week’s question: Which soda contains more sodium in a 12 oz can? Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi?

And finally, this week’s Link that may (or may not) be an embarrassing picture of Dan Boger:

http://tinyurl.com/6zd7v6l

NAKID Dictionary

A couple of years ago, NAKID published a dictionary of terms that are unique to our organization. I'm sure everyone has noticed by now that NAKID has its own culture (have you tried explaining some of the stuff we do to non-NAKID friends? They just don't get it). To help everyone understand what we mean when we say we're riding the Boomerang, got base raped, or are NAKIDing, the Brew has decided to throw out a couple of special NAKID words every so often to keep you all up to speed. Today's entries are:

NAKIDing

v. A variation of dating; instead of going out on dates you hang out at NAKID events together, and typically don’t make plans to see one another outside of NAKID events.

Guy 1: “When are you going out with her?”

Guy 2: “We’re NAKIDing; I’ll see her at the midseason party.”

Douche Rules

n. Unique NAKID rules that keep players from being, well, douches. No trying to distract people catching the ball, no bobbling catches, and in general, don’t be a douche. Much of the douche rules are at the discretion of the ref. If he/she thinks you're being a douche, cut it out.

NAKID Number

n. The number of fellow NAKIDs one has scored with off the field.

Throughout the coming weeks we'll post other entries from the NAKID Dictionary. Have you come up with a new term for us?  We're just like the Oxford dictionary--always open to suggestions when a new word enters the NAKID lexicon. Send an email to weeklybrew@gmail.com or write your entry in the comments!

Sunday Funday!

Hey Sunday NAKIDs! Here's your recap: We played kickball. We drank some beer. A few people got drunk...Sounds about right for a Sunday!

The Brew would like to give a special shout out to those teams that went (and continue to go) the extra mile to ensure their players have an extra fun time playing NAKID! The Nittany Lions (mid Sunday) dressed up in costumes ranging from Scooby:

Scooby!

...to Pauly D and his fist pump:

T-SHIRT TIME!

There was a team carrying the Cinco de Mayo theme through the weekend:

Ole!

...but the Brewer's memory has been wiped clean by beer--if that team was yours, claim the credit in the comments below!

Here are some pics for you!

p.s. Do you have any funny stories, or pictures, or LOTW nominations, or Bar Performance of the Week nominations, or funny things you overheard at the bar? Email weeklybrew@gmail.com or write in the comments below! The Brew needs your help!

You too can be One Flip!

Cinco de Mayo kickball!

Thursday kickball simultaneously celebrated the near-end of the work week and Cinco de Mayo, leading to some awesome times at the bar and what we can only describe as “good-natured exploitation of stereotypes.” There were sombreros, mustaches, and one team even brought a homemade piñata filled with candy and liquor:

As you can see from the pictures, the bars were packed. We also had a TON of girls get on the bar and dance their asses off, carrying on a revered NAKID tradition. Yes, those poles are there for a reason--take advantage!

MBP stepped it up a notch with a male bar dancing contest that certainly gave the women in the crowd an eyeful . . . thankfully, pants stayed on: 

Work it, boys!

After busting several moves and nearly disrobing, Damon of I Kicked a Ball and I Liked It (in teal in the middle) won the contest and a gift certificate to Charlie Palmer! Hey, Damon, the Brewer likes steak. Just sayin’.

This week the Brewer was motivated enough to ask the Five Questions . . . of people in her immediate vicinity:

Gordon, We Beat Parker Lewis

1) What do you love about NAKID? The part where we drink.

2) What’s your favorite STD? Definitely syphilis, because it can kill you but it’s easily cured.

3) Who would you go gay for? “GO” gay for?

4) Most awkward moment with your mom? She found condom wrappers in my car when I was 16

5) Cup size: Venti



I like cervezas and lap dances!



Mona, the Mexican beer bottle

1) What do you love about NAKID? The cervezas and lap dances, cholo.

2) What’s your favorite STD? Chcchchhlamydia.

3) Who would you go gay for? SELENAS!

4) Most awkward moment with your mom? Watching other men drink her

5) Cup size: GRANDE!

LOTW: Damon, I Kicked a Ball and I Liked It. Not only was he drunk enough to win the bar dancing contest, which also took some guts and dancing skillz, he also showed us a lot more of him than we ever wanted to see. Yes, I'm talking about his bulge. Thank you, Damon, and congrats on winning LOTW!

Bar Performance of the Week (BPOW): This is a new award NAKID created to honor someone at the bar who may not be the drunkest, but certainly entertained the crowd with their idiocy. Unfortunately there is no physical prize for this award, but the bragging rights alone are prize enough.

This week's winner is this guy:

Drink me!

He came to the bar dressed as a giant tequila bottle (nice commitment to Cinco de Mayo, btw), then sat with a couple who were not only non-NAKIDs, but who he didn't even know. Sure, it was awkward conversation at first; afterall, what do you say to a bottle of tequila besides "please don't hurt me"? But they warmed up to him after a while and word on the street is they're planning a vacation to Martha's Vineyard together in the fall. 

Do you have someone you'd like to nominate for BPOW? Email weeklybrew@gmail.com or post your nom below.

Overheard at the bar:

She was trying to pee. I saw her rolling down the hill. All I saw was vagina. – Damon

Ain’t nothing wrong with the poop hole. One-hundred percent of men like it; 90 percent won’t admit it. - Jay

And some random pics of people doing weird things:

 

The Kickball Ramblings: Where's the Hate?

There’s one thing I’ve noticed missing from NAKID these days: Rivalries. 

Sure, there are some “friendly rivalries” like CSI vs. Harmless Puppies, but these are relatively tame.  I mean, can it really be considered a rivalry when the teams frequently intermingle, and half of the team members seemingly play together at a different day or time? 

In my book, a rivalry needs to be a little more than some good-spirited trash talk on Facebook.

I miss having real rivalries in which the teams involved genuinely dislike each other. I’m talking about hatred to the point where bones were broken, people were made to cry, and teams had to go to different bars afterwards to avoid fights breaking out.

Maybe part of the problem is that there just aren’t enough “bad guys” in the league.  What happened to teams like the Blumpkins, the Donkies, or the Ball Busters? Those teams were annoying to the point where other teams didn’t enjoy playing them, and people feared having to ref their games.

I mean, sure there are still some annoying teams in the league. But are any of them truly hateful enough to inspire a real rivalry?

TFL? They remind me of Starscream from the Transformers: dangerous, but more likely to hurt their own cause.

The Xtacles? Mostly harmless.

CSI?  The chanting may be a bit grating, but considering their poor kickball skills, does anybody really take them seriously?

So can anything be done to bring back the hate?

You can all help the cause by inciting some genuine bad blood between your team and your opponents.

During your next game, I encourage everyone to talk trash. And I’m talking mean, hurtful stuff, not just the standard “You suck!” Feel free to get really personal with your insults. If you’re not sure where to start, check if there’s a girl on the team who has a hotheaded boyfriend. She’ll make an ideal first target.

Also make sure you try to run up the score as much as possible, and taunt them mercilessly while doing so. Crushing your opponent only goes so far. You really need to rub it in their faces too.

And naturally, if there is an opportunity to run into one of the opposing players, I encourage you to take it. Even better is if you have to go out of your way to initiate the contact.

It also wouldn’t hurt to argue constantly with the refs. Even if you know the ref made the right call, you should still badger him about it. That will teach him to ever make a call against your team!

If everyone does their part, then we can have genuine rivalries back in no time!

Weekly Trivia Question:

The answer to last week’s question: Jim Davis was the first ever NAKID King of the Table.

Alena was the only person to correctly answer this (and it was easy for her since she used to make out with Jim all the time). She will receive her 20 cent prize the next time I see her.

This week’s question:

How many seasons of NAKID indoor kickball have there been?

As usual, answer via comment or email to TreachX@yahoo.com.  Correct answers get special mention along with a 20 cent prize.

And as always, we conclude with a link that may (or may not) be an embarrassing picture of Dan Boger:

http://tinyurl.com/3ez4gw3

Overheard at the bar...

Occasionally the Brewer overhears things at the bar that are funny, and, if she's coherent, she'll write them down and post them here. A gem from a recent kickball night:

Girlfriend: I will punch you in the dick.
Boyfriend: No you won't, you need it too much.
Girlfriend: . . . You're right. Hello, friend.

Did you hear anything funny, stupid, or downright absurd that you want to share? Add it in the comments below!

First Lush of the Week!

And we have our first LOTW--the lovely, talented, low-tolerance Lacy from the Sunday teams (M)orally Casual and Menace to Sobriety!

Check out that suction

First she started with century club before her games (that's 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes with the MC twist of answering embarrassing questions in between). She continued after her game at the bar, drinking herself into near incoherence. Her babysitter kept losing her in the crowds at MBP until she finally emerged with disheveled hair, but, miraculously, all of her belongings. Congrats on the win, Lacy, and wear your bandana with pride!

Think you or a friend have what it takes to be LOTW? Email your nomination to weeklybrew@gmail.com with a pic and maybe your nom will end up here! We pick two per day, so your chances are better than you think--grab a pitcher and see what shenanigans you get into!