It's been a while since I wrote anything here. So I'm sure you have some questions. But don't worry, I have answers.
Q: Why hasn't the Brew been updated much recently?
A: Because I haven't had much free time.
Sorry, let me start over. My fourth grade teacher used to teach that we should never begin an answer with 'Because.' She said we should include the question in the answer. So, the above sentence should read 'The Brew hasn't been updated much recently because I haven't had much free time.'
The annoying thing about giving complete answers like that (aside from the extra effort it took) was that the worksheets we were given didn't provide much space to write the answer to the question. So we’d end up having to write part of the answers on the margins of the paper. I'm guessing that they assumed that most students would not include the question as part of their answer.
I don't want to come off as negative towards my fourth grade teacher. Ms. Murray was a very good teacher, and probably the best teacher I had in elementary school. Making students put in a little extra effort is probably a very good thing. But it was just a little annoying at the time.
In hindsight, one thing that bothers me about elementary school is how much emphasis they placed on having good handwriting. Has having poor handwriting ever held anyone back? I mean, maybe it might exclude you from a career as a calligrapher, but that's about it.
I'll give the teachers the benefit of the doubt since they probably didn't realize just how computer based society would be in 2011. But still, it seems like there were much more important lessons that they could be teaching children instead of “you need to have nice handwriting.”
Of course, if I had to read and grade a bunch of papers from students, I’d probably want them all to have clear handwriting too.
As far as the original question goes, I'll elaborate by saying that I write stuff for the Brew in my spare time. But my job has required me to do a lot of actual work lately, and I feel like I should also spend some time with my family.
You may disagree with my decision, but look at it this way: If I neglect the Kickball Ramblings, chances are that it won't start taking drugs or become a stripper when it gets older. On the other hand, I feel it is my utmost responsibility to prevent that from happening to my daughter.
It could happen
Q: I am on several different teams. When I go to the party this weekend, which team should I hang out with?
A: The one with the most attractive people obviously.
But if you can't decide which team is the most attractive, or if you'd like to be a little less shallow, I suppose you can just hang out with the people who are the most enjoyable to be around. Or is that too obvious of an answer?
You could always avoid the problem by spreading your time around equally. I mean, there's no rule saying you have to spend all your time with the same people.
Or you could even try to venture out and meet new people. You might even meet people that are more fun than your teammates.
Q: I think I might drink too much. How can I tell?
A: It all depends on how you behave when you drink.
If you frequently wake up in unknown places or next to unknown people, then you might drink too much.
If you become angry and violent when drunk, then you might drink too much.
If you often require the assistance of other people just to survive the night, then you might drink too much.
But if you’re the type of person who gets happy and more pleasant to be around when you’re drunk, then you probably don’t drink enough.
Q: My team sucked last season. Do you have any advice as to how we can improve?
A: Yes, you should find a new team. You’ve already established yourselves as a bunch of losers, so your best hope is to split up and hope the loser taint hasn’t infected you each individually.
Then again, if your team was still able to have a good time despite the losing, then you might want to reconsider. It isn't that hard to turn a losing squad into a team that is at least competitive. But finding a fun team? That can be considerably harder.
Sometimes all it takes to improve is having another year of experience. And you could always try to add some more athletic players to the team.
And isn't it somewhat more rewarding to help a losing team develop into a winning one rather than simply jumping to an already loaded team?
Retro Cereal of the Week
In honor of Halloween, our featured cereal from the past will be Fruity Yummy Mummy.
FYM was part of the Count Chocula/Franken Berry family of monster cereals. It was introduced in 1987 to replace the similar tasting Fruit Brute, which featured a werewolf.
Apparently, General Mills thought that a mummy would be more effective in selling cereal to children than a werewolf. They were wrong, as FYM only lasted a few years before being similarly discontinued.
Here's a commercial:
That isn't exactly what I'd imagine a mummy's voice to sound like.
Apparently, General Mills has now made the decision to only sell their monster cereals during the Halloween season. So if you’re a big fan of Count Chocula or Boo Berry, I suggest that you stock up this week.