Wednesday, February 22, 2012

This is the Tale of Thursday Kickball

Another Thursday night has come and gone.  We've seen flip cup, dancing, and even some boom cup.  Yeah, that's right...boom cup.

One observation: It seems that the new "it" song played at the Exchange is Jack Sparrow by The Lonely Island and Michael Bolton.  I'll give the song credit.  The song is so well performed that some people listen to it and don't even realize that it isn't a "real" song.

And now, here are some more Five Questions and Flip Cup Power Rankings...

David K - Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am

  1. Why NAKID? A friend recommended it.
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? Average.
  3. Cup size? Regular.
  4. Favorite position? Top.
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? Yes
Word Association

Whalen - Person
Ball - Kick
Exchange - Student
Beer - Pony
Score - Board
And in the background, his teammate shares his thoughts

Amanda P - Drinking You Pretty
  1. Why NAKID? Why Not?
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? 11 out of 10.
  3. Cup size? 8.5 oz.
  4. Favorite position? Short.
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? Yes
Word Association

Whalen - Awesome
Ball - Testicle
Exchange - Beer
Beer - College
Score - Sexy

Afterwards, she bought the bar a round of shots

Colleen G - Pitch Slapped
  1. Why NAKID? Isn't it fun?
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? B
  3. Cup size? D.
  4. Favorite position? On top.
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? I don't fish.
Word Association

Whalen - Good guy
Ball - Blue
Exchange - Fluids
Beer - Good
Score - Lucky

I don't know if she actually knew I was taking this picture

Flip Cup Power Rankings

Last time, I used the power of the mysterious and all-knowing Oracle to help me with these rankings.  But sadly, the Oracle has stopped responding to my requests. 

With the Oracle unavailable to me, I had to rely on what is perhaps nature's second most mysterious creature: The platypus.

I consulted with my good friend Spearmint the Platypus to share his opinions on the best flip cup teams on Thursday night.  Here is what he had to say:

5. Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am - I like them.  Not a lot, but I like them.
4. Drinking You Pretty - They almost never play as a team, but still the most talent out there.  By far.
3. We Are Kicking, We Are Kicking - Good, but they could improve.
2. DTF - But are they really?
1. Team Awesome Sauce - They play often and then make with the sexy time.  This earns them the top spot in my book.

Unlike the Oracle, the platypus is admittedly not all-seeing and all-knowing.  If you feel your team's triumphs are not being properly accounted for, please send an email to

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Last Thursday Night...

Over the past couple of seasons, a few people have said to me that they miss the old Weekly Brew.  While reading once-monthly columns about evil snowmen and Captain Kangaroo might be nice, people miss the old features like five questions and flip cup rankings.

I realized that all it would take to help restore the Brew to its once spectacular glory was a little effort on my part.

So a little effort is what I gave.  Last Thursday night at the Exchange, I grabbed my camera, a pen, and a legal pad and asked some people the question, “Would you like to be interviewed for the Weekly Brew?”

Responses included: “No thanks,” “What's the Weekly Brew?” and “Get away from me you little weirdo.”

I quickly realized that perhaps trying to interview people while they were waiting in line for the bathroom might not have been the best strategy.
After relocating myself, I finally found a few people willing (drunk enough?) to have their picture taken and answer some simple questions.

I asked everyone a set of five questions and then did some word associations with some terms familiar to most NAKIDs.

Elizabeth D, Drinking You Pretty
  1. Why NAKID? Because it's awesome.
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? I don't know...make me sound intelligent.
  3. Cup size? Half full.
  4. Favorite position? Sun salutation.
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? I've only been crabbing.
Word Association
  • Whalen – Boss
  • Beer – Happy
  • Exchange – Beer
  • Ball – Kick
  • Score – Home run
Which one is Liz?  I'll let you decide for yourself.

Howie S, The Rhythm Method
  1. Why NAKID? Why not?
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? Streaky.
  3. Cup size? Big enough.
  4. Favorite position? Any.
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? Hell yeah.
Word Association
  • Whalen – Old
  • Beer – Tasty
  • Exchange – Fluids
  • Ball – Busters (Excellent answer!)
  • Score – Happy ending
Don't let the smile fool you.  He's as hard as they come.

Mike W, Kick in a Box
    1. Why NAKID? Why not?
    2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? Yes.
    3. Cup size? Large.
    4. Favorite position? Why do you make me have to think?
    5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? Yes.
Word Association
  • Whalen – Old
  • Beer – Good
  • Exchange – *Censored*
  • Ball – Enlarged
  • Score – A lot
For some reason he also kept telling me how much he hated me.

Beaumont B, Bumpits
  1. Why NAKID? It's fun.
  2. How would you rate your flip cup skills? 7
  3. Cup size? 7
  4. Favorite position? Top
  5. Have you ever been too drunk to fish? Yes.
Word Association

Whalen – Wonderful
Ball – Kick
Exchange – Beer
Beer – Moose (This might have been because I was wearing a moose hat at the time)
Score – Sex

Officially cooler than you.

Flip Cup Power Rankings

You might have thought that the flip cup games that take place on Thursday nights are meaningless.  Sure, they've been fun, and they've led to some drunken, fun times, but ultimately, they don't count for anything.

But that

Thanks to the help of the Weekly Brew's very special magical Oracle, there will now be a weekly power rankings of the best teams.

Here's the top five and what the Oracle has to say about them.

5. Balls Deep - Do not fear going forward slowly; fear only to stand still.
4. Kick in a Box - If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
3. Head First into Third - A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.
2. I Kicked a Ball and I Liked It -Each generation will reap what the former generation has sown.
1. We are Kicking, We are Kicking - A gem is not polished without rubbing, nor a man perfected without trials.

Now you might be saying, “That's all well and good for Thursday nights, but what about those of us who play on other days? Don't we deserve mention in the Weekly Brew as well?”

Yes, you most certainly do. But unfortunately, I am only one man and can't be at the bar every night to recap the assuredly hilarious ongoings.

So that is where you come in. We need people to volunteer to roam around the bar to record the happenings and interview random, unsuspecting people. All you need is a writing utensil and a camera. And if you're feeling especially clever, you can simply do it all on your phone.

If you feel you are up to this task, please send an email to  We will run you through a grueling, rigorous interview process to see if you are truly Brew-worthy.

With your help, the Weekly Brew blog will once again be filled with useful content.  Otherwise...well, I hope you can't wait to read next month's interview with Abraham Lincoln.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Kickball Ramblings: An Interview with George Washington

As part of my ongoing effort to provide content for the Weekly Brew, I recently gained access to a top secret prototype time machine. 
Sadly, this was not the time machine

While there are seemingly countless opportunities provided by a working time machine, I ultimately decided that there was only one sensible thing to do with the device: Pull George Washington into present day and ask him some questions about kickball!  

Since we play kickball in Washington, DC, haven’t we all wondered what the city’s namesake might think of the game?  Well, we can wonder no further! 
Nice wig

Author: Thanks for being with us today, Mr. President.  I know the time travel process can be very taxing.  Are you ready for this?
GW: I was born ready!  You don't get to be the first president of the new world without being ready.
Author: As you know, the nation’s capital was named after you.
GW: Along with a state, 31 counties and 17 cities, not that I’m bragging.
Author: Are you also aware that a popular activity for young adults living in the capital is playing kickball?  Are you familiar with kickball?
GW: I'm familiar with leading the colonial forces during the American Revolution.  Is that similar?
Author: Well, sometimes when I play kickball, I wear a bandanna with the American flag on it.  And there's a lot of drinking involved.  But aside from that, no, they're very different.
GW: I certainly do enjoy drinking.  I have a distillery in my house, you know!  But tell me more about this kicking of balls.
Author: It’s similar to baseball.  Wait, do you even know about baseball?
GW: I do not.  I do enjoy a good game of wickets on occasion however.
Author: Here’s a brief summary of baseball: It’s kind of like cricket, it became the national pastime, and the most famous team is known as the Yankees.  Kickball is similar to that, except we kick a big rubber ball.
GW: Kicking a big rubber ball?  Why that sounds like a child’s game!
Author: Yeah, that’s pretty much where we are in today’s culture.  If there was a game that we liked to play as children, we simply go to the bar afterwards, and it becomes an adult game.
GW: You play children’s games and then drink?  These are confusing times you live in.
Author: As one of our nation's greatest leaders, I was hoping you could offer advice to some of our league's captains. 
GW: Absolutely.  After all, most of my successors in office have followed the examples I set.
Author:  You encountered difficulties when recruiting people to the Revolutionary Army.  Some captains have trouble recruiting people to their team.  Do you have any suggestions for them?
GW: Obviously, my passion for the Revolution helped recruit people, but that wasn’t the only reason people came on board.  Promises of whiskey and women helped convince many of them.
Works every time

Author: That’s how most of our league’s captains recruit too. 
Even though you know nothing of the game, do you have any strategic advice?  Surely, some aspect of Colonial era military strategy can be applied to kickball.
GW: Here are some tried and true tips that have always worked for me:
It's harder to hit a moving target than one that's standing still, so when possible, you should throw at the base.
Also, small actions can lead to big rewards, so don't underestimate the bunt.
Lastly, you're not going to win every battle, but what really matters is having fun and drinking lots of whiskey.  And playoffs.  You want to win playoffs.
Author: Very sage advice from someone who has never played the game.
GW: Well, I am the greatest president of all time!
Author: You think so?  We’ve had some good presidents since then: Lincoln, FDR, Clinton…
GW: Let me know when any of them has their face on the one dollar bill.
Dollar dollar bill y'all!
Author: What do you think of our current president?
GW: I feel he’s done some good things, but one of his policies disturbs me greatly.
Author: What’s that?
GW: His alliance with the hated British!  I didn’t work my ass off to gain independence just so that 200 some years later, Kate Middleton could become a national celebrity!
Author: And what do you think of Obamacare?
GW: I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole.
Author: You seem to be breaking up.  I think you’re being pulled back into the time stream.  Anything else you’d like to say?
GW: My teeth are made from hippopotamus ivory.
And with that, the president vanished into the ether.  Hopefully he was returned to his proper time, and is not lost in some sort of limbo state between time and space.  Either way, this has been quite educational.
Special thanks goes out to Amanda P, who assisted me with operating the time machine.

Team Name Analysis
I think I’ve taken the study of defunct cereals about as far as it can go. 
Instead, from now on I’m going to take a current NAKID team, provide a thoughtful analysis of their name, and then rate it on a scale of one to five Whalens.
Remember, this is just one man’s opinion, so please don’t have a hissy fit if I think your team’s name sucks.
My Balls Your Face
At first, this name appears to be a simple dodgeball reference, because obviously dodgeball involves throwing balls at your opponent.
But wait!  Upon closer inspection, this appears to be something of a double entendre.  My Balls Your Face could also be interpreted as a sexual term.  At least it could if you have a dirty mind.
I normally enjoy double entendres, but I feel this one falls a bit short. 
Remember that in dodgeball, if you hit your opponent in the face, they are not out.  You have to hit them below the neck!  So if they do as their name suggests, they’re probably going to fare rather poorly.

Rating: 3 Whalens 

Double entendres are nice and all, but they perhaps should have chosen one that would actually be an effective playing technique.

And finally, we conclude with another LOLger: