Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Who's got their JORTS ready?!?

This Saturday NAKID is celebrating the mid-point of its summer season with lots of free beer, free jello shots, and JORTS! You may be thinking, "JORTS? WTF?" But no, JORTS does not refer to Josh "Jorts" Harrellson, the basketball player from Kentucky who recently stopped a drunk driver from killing his friends:

He liked his JORTS
In fact, we are referring to jean shorts:

So much chafing
Ok. That was mean. Here's a better pic:

I think my dad still owns a pair like this. He calls them "Bermudas"
Homemade or store-bought, knee-length or daisy dukes--pick whichever style suits your fancy.

Again, I know what you're thinking: "Seriously? I don't even own these things. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Well, you're in luck. Here's a handy guide to obtaining some JORTS of your very own. First, get your tools together:

Just take an old pair of jeans that you've been meaning to give to goodwill but have been too lazy to drop off at the donation spot and mark on them the leg length you are comfortable with. Then, take the pair of scissors and cut straight across:

Ta-da! You have JORTS!

Now, don't go washing these after you've cut them. Getting too much of a fray will ruin the whole point of the JORTS--that you were wearing jeans but just got too darn hot.

We're looking forward to seeing all you NAKIDs in your JORTS, and we'll have plenty of beer and jello shots to make you forget that you're wearing this ridiculous clothing item. And normally we'd tell any wearer of JORTS that they have no hope of hooking up while wearing them, but in this case, when everyone is crazy, doesn't that make us all sane? (For those that are having trouble with the metaphor, that means that you should still be able to find a partner even in your JORTS.)

The party starts at 5pm at Hamilton's and My Brother's Place. We'll check in people from 5-7, then from 8-10. Arrive after 10 and you're SOL. Free for registered players and $10 for friends of NAKIDs (and please don't try to commit identity theft by saying your friend is on your team--we're checking IDs-- and don't whine when your friends have to pay $10 to get in. It's $10 for free beer all night!)

And don't forget your JORTS!

p.s. JORTS must always be in all caps. The Brew's will be done.

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