Monday, August 8, 2011

The OTHER Rules of NAKID...

What they didn't tell you when you joined....


Do you feel left out sometimes? Do you feel like everyone knows the inside jokes but you? Is no one sharing their beer with you or not inviting you into their flip cup games? If so, there’s a good chance that it’s not personal, it's just because you’re not “in the know.”

In NAKID there is a set of “unwritten rules”—things that one would only know from learning their lesson the hard way. They cover how we do business—how we play kickball, how we drink our beer, and, most importantly, how we hook up. They aren’t complicated, really, but if you don’t know them you could be left feeling like the fat kid in dodge ball, the ugly bridesmaid at a wedding, or the senator with a wide stance. So in an effort to help you fit in and have a good time, the Brew consulted with a group of veteran NAKIDs that have been around the block, hooked up a time or two, and have drunk their weight in beer hundreds of times over. Their task was to write the unwritten, and bestow upon the NAKID masses the wisdom they have accumulated over their many years of drunken embarrassments.

Rule #1: Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want caught on camera.
Let's repeat that one, as it is first for a reason: DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT CAUGHT ON CAMERA! Oh the nights we have woken up to see our faces all over the Flickr site. . . or in the Brew . . . or on youporn.com. We live in a world of camera phones and “slim” Casios that fit into every freaking crack! Knowing that your actions are probably going to be recorded with snapshots and possibly video should help you keep things under control. But even some of our most veteran NAKIDs completely ignore this rule. So, if you like to put on a show, take this more as a “caution” than a die-hard rule, but otherwise, beware: cameras are everywhere!

Don't be surprised when you get caught!
Rule #2: Don’t make out at the bars unless you want everyone to know and talk about it.
And they will. All the time. Until the day you die. How to avoid it? Just don’t do it! “Can you walk me to the metro?” is the best way to lure your hook-up away from prying eyes. But don’t use the alleyway on 2nd Street either; it’s a well-traveled passage to First Street. Walk a few blocks away, then proceed to get it on.

Busted!

Rule #3: Don’t hook up with someone on your team.
Okay, this one is obvious. Most drunken hook ups don’t last past the one night, but plenty of them do turn into awkward conversations and avoided eye contact! Do yourself a favor and pick another team’s hottie as your fling (there’s plenty to choose from!), and remember there are other nights of kickball to pick your victim from as well! The old adage holds true: don’t sh*t where you eat. Unless you really like the toilet. 

That's a good mix
Rule #4: Don’t have your significant other join your team.
This is a slight extension of Rule #3 but it still applies. Few break-ups today end on positive terms so why would you want to have a ticking time bomb standing at first base? If your main squeeze must join, try to convince them that playing on another team will “bring you closer” or could be “romantic.” Hey, it could work.

Rule #5: Bring Beer – Share Beer!
We all play flip cup right? Right? So it stands to reason that if you challenge a team to some flip cup you shouldn’t come to the table empty handed! We are all nice generous people here in NAKID but you can’t expect to challenge a team and mooch off their beer! That being said­—if you have your beer on the table, SHARE IT! We are all hard working individuals and being overly stingy with your beer just makes you look like a douche. P.S. drinking tons of other peoples beer and never buying your own also makes you look like a douche.

Actual NAKID keg usage in ONE weekend!
Rule #6 (and second most important despite numbering): Don’t be a douche!
This rule is a general rule that pretty much shows what NAKID is all about: having fun. So what does not being a douche mean? Well, it means different things to different people, but as a general rule of thumb don’t do anything you wouldn’t be proud of, don’t do anything that would keep you from getting a date or that you wouldn’t do in front of your parents, and don’t do anything that makes other people feel bad. It’s a simple concept, really—treat others as you would like to be treated! This is the catch-all and should be the rule that is applied before all others. Learn it, live it, love it.


Rule #7: DON’T DRIVE TO THE BAR IF YOU’RE GOING TO GET WASTED!
We are all adults here and we all know what it means to be responsible. Don’t put others on the road, or yourself, or your possible passengers in danger by driving to the game and the bar when you know your plan is to get crunked. Its just unbecoming and majorly douchey.

Bad idea jeans.

We hope that you have found these gems of wisdom helpful. NAKID is about having fun and meeting new people and we feel these guidelines can help you do that! If you think we left anything off, let the Brewer know below or at weeklybrew@gmail.com and we will try to include your suggestion in the next edition of “The Other Rules of NAKID.” Good luck!

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