Kickball Ramblings: An Interview with George Washington

As part of my ongoing effort to provide content for the Weekly Brew, I recently gained access to a top secret prototype time machine. 

Sadly, this was not the time machine

While there are seemingly countless opportunities provided by a working time machine, I ultimately decided that there was only one sensible thing to do with the device: Pull George Washington into present day and ask him some questions about kickball!  

Since we play kickball in Washington, DC, haven’t we all wondered what the city’s namesake might think of the game?  Well, we can wonder no further! 

Nice wig

Author: Thanks for being with us today, Mr. President.  I know the time travel process can be very taxing.  Are you ready for this?

GW: I was born ready!  You don't get to be the first president of the new world without being ready.

Author: As you know, the nation’s capital was named after you.

GW: Along with a state, 31 counties and 17 cities, not that I’m bragging.

Author: Are you also aware that a popular activity for young adults living in the capital is playing kickball?  Are you familiar with kickball?

GW: I'm familiar with leading the colonial forces during the American Revolution.  Is that similar?

Author: Well, sometimes when I play kickball, I wear a bandanna with the American flag on it.  And there's a lot of drinking involved.  But aside from that, no, they're very different.

GW: I certainly do enjoy drinking.  I have a distillery in my house, you know!  But tell me more about this kicking of balls.

Author: It’s similar to baseball.  Wait, do you even know about baseball?

GW: I do not.  I do enjoy a good game of wickets on occasion however.

Author: Here’s a brief summary of baseball: It’s kind of like cricket, it became the national pastime, and the most famous team is known as the Yankees.  Kickball is similar to that, except we kick a big rubber ball.

GW: Kicking a big rubber ball?  Why that sounds like a child’s game!

Author: Yeah, that’s pretty much where we are in today’s culture.  If there was a game that we liked to play as children, we simply go to the bar afterwards, and it becomes an adult game.

GW: You play children’s games and then drink?  These are confusing times you live in.

Author: As one of our nation's greatest leaders, I was hoping you could offer advice to some of our league's captains. 

GW: Absolutely.  After all, most of my successors in office have followed the examples I set.

Author:  You encountered difficulties when recruiting people to the Revolutionary Army.  Some captains have trouble recruiting people to their team.  Do you have any suggestions for them?

GW: Obviously, my passion for the Revolution helped recruit people, but that wasn’t the only reason people came on board.  Promises of whiskey and women helped convince many of them.

Works every time

Author: That’s how most of our league’s captains recruit too. 

Even though you know nothing of the game, do you have any strategic advice?  Surely, some aspect of Colonial era military strategy can be applied to kickball.

GW: Here are some tried and true tips that have always worked for me:

It's harder to hit a moving target than one that's standing still, so when possible, you should throw at the base.

Also, small actions can lead to big rewards, so don't underestimate the bunt.

Lastly, you're not going to win every battle, but what really matters is having fun and drinking lots of whiskey.  And playoffs.  You want to win playoffs.

Author: Very sage advice from someone who has never played the game.

GW: Well, I am the greatest president of all time!

Author: You think so?  We’ve had some good presidents since then: Lincoln, FDR, Clinton…

GW: Let me know when any of them has their face on the one dollar bill.

Dollar dollar bill y'all!

Author: What do you think of our current president?

GW: I feel he’s done some good things, but one of his policies disturbs me greatly.

Author: What’s that?

GW: His alliance with the hated British!  I didn’t work my ass off to gain independence just so that 200 some years later, Kate Middleton could become a national celebrity!

Author: And what do you think of Obamacare?

GW: I’m not touching that one with a ten foot pole.

Author: You seem to be breaking up.  I think you’re being pulled back into the time stream.  Anything else you’d like to say?

GW: My teeth are made from hippopotamus ivory.

And with that, the president vanished into the ether.  Hopefully he was returned to his proper time, and is not lost in some sort of limbo state between time and space.  Either way, this has been quite educational.

Special thanks goes out to Amanda P, who assisted me with operating the time machine.

Team Name Analysis

I think I’ve taken the study of defunct cereals about as far as it can go. 

Instead, from now on I’m going to take a current NAKID team, provide a thoughtful analysis of their name, and then rate it on a scale of one to five Whalens.

Remember, this is just one man’s opinion, so please don’t have a hissy fit if I think your team’s name sucks.

My Balls Your Face

At first, this name appears to be a simple dodgeball reference, because obviously dodgeball involves throwing balls at your opponent.

But wait!  Upon closer inspection, this appears to be something of a double entendre.  My Balls Your Face could also be interpreted as a sexual term.  At least it could if you have a dirty mind.

I normally enjoy double entendres, but I feel this one falls a bit short. 

Remember that in dodgeball, if you hit your opponent in the face, they are not out.  You have to hit them below the neck!  So if they do as their name suggests, they’re probably going to fare rather poorly.

Rating: 3 Whalens 

Double entendres are nice and all, but they perhaps should have chosen one that would actually be an effective playing technique.

And finally, we conclude with another LOLger:

 

Kickball Ramblings: Enter the Snowman

The calendar says January, so that means that NAKID is back in action for its always thrilling winter season.  Of all the NAKID seasons that begin in January, I’d definitely have to rate winter as my favorite.

So what’s new this year?  I’m glad you asked!

Remember how the winter shirts used to feature icicles on the logo?  Well, the icicles are still there, just a little less prominent than before.  If you’re a fan of New Year’s Eve specials (and who isn’t?) then the icicles are kind of like Dick Clark.  They might still be around, but they’re largely just ornamental at this point.  Not to mention, they both probably leak water all over the floor.

So who is the Ryan Seacrest that has stolen top billing from the icicles?  A snowman.  And not just any snowman - an EVIL snowman!

He certainly doesn't look like a happy, jolly soul

In all fairness, I’m not sure if the snowman is actually evil.  Maybe I just assumed that he was evil because he’s got a crooked grin on his face and he looks like he’s about to chuck the snowball at somebody’s head.

Or I might just be thinking about this commercial from the Super Bowl.

So who do you think would win in a fight: The sun from the summer season shirts, the pumpkin from the fall, or the snowman?

As evil as he may be, I don't see the snowman winning this battle, because I figure the sun would simply melt him down.  So I guess it's a battle between the pumpkin and the sun. 

vs.

The epic showdown for NAKID logo supremacy!

Now that I think about it, the sun is hot enough to melt a pumpkin too.  Have you ever thrown a pumpkin into the sun?  Neither have I, but my basic understanding of astronomy leads me to believe that a pumpkin would be vaporized long before it reached the surface.

Then again, this is clearly no ordinary pumpkin we’re dealing with.  It seems to be some sort of demonic pumpkin.  For those of you who remember the cartoon The Real Ghostbusters, you might notice the resemblance to Samhain, the Halloween themed ghost from the show.

Pumpkin head + flowing robe = evil

So if this is indeed Samhain, then that changes everything.  Because Samhain had the power to manipulate time and bring about constant night*.  If he could do that, then he could simply prevent the sun from ever rising.  Game over.

Of course, the sun could just bury Samhain under a giant pile of raisins.  Because that’s what anthropomorphic suns do.

Either way, the snowman clearly isn’t winning this battle.  But on the positive side, he’s wearing a scarf, and everyone knows that’s what the cool kids do in the winter months.

Retro Cereal of the Week

We may all be familiar with kellogg’s Raisin Bran cereal, but back in the 80’s, they also had a Raisin Squares cereal.

If anyone ever asks what the 80's were like, just show them this box

It was basically shredded wheat with a raisin on the inside.  Unlike some of these other failed cereals, the concept seems sound.

But apparently, America wasn’t ready for shredded wheat and raisins to be combined.  We prefer our raisin brans and our shredded wheat quite separate from each other, thank you very much!  On the other hand, the cereal lives on in Great Britain where tastes are slightly more eccentric.

The Boger Meme (or as suggested to me: LOLger)

Here's another taste of everyone's favorite NAKID admin.

*Learning about Samhain's powers was made much more difficult by Wikipedia's self-blackout.  Thanks a lot, SOPA and PIPA!

Kickball Ramblings: Captains Round Table - Take Two

Last time I had a round table discussion among famous captains, it seemed to go over well.  So I decided to bring in some other famous captains and hear what they had to say.

Joining us today are:

Captain N: The Game Master - Digitized superhero

Captain Jack Sparrow - Pirate of the Caribbean

Captain America - Leader of the Avengers

Captain Kangaroo - Former children’s’ TV show host

Steve Nash - Captain of the Phoenix Suns

Author: Thanks to everyone for being here. I’ll start out by asking you if there have been any experiences that helped make you a better captain.

America: I’d have to say that getting injected with a special formula and made into a perfect human being was probably the most important thing that happened to me.

Kangaroo: I never quite understood that. Our plan to fight the Nazis was to scientifically create a blond haired, blue eyed superhuman? Were they trying to be ironic?

Nash: Captain America? I’ve never even heard of you.

America: Well, that’s probably because you’re Canadian. In America, I’m considered a hero and a national icon.

Nash: Yeah, but that doesn’t mean much these days. I mean, so is the pirate.

America: I’m not exactly familiar with him. Why is he famous?

Sparrow: How the bloody hell do you not know who I am? Do you ever watch TV?  Disney isn’t exactly subtle in their marketing. 

Kangaroo: You’re not kidding! I went to Disney World and went on Pirates of the Caribbean expecting the classic ride. And what do I get instead? Jack Sparrow all over the place!

Sparrow: Even I thought that was a bit gratuitous.

Kangaroo: And I’m still upset that they got rid of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea! That was my favorite ride!

America: Do they still have Mission to Mars?

Kangaroo: No, they got rid of that one too! 

America: Damn!

Author: Sorry to interrupt, but can we get back--

Kangaroo: And then I’m out shopping and I see them selling Jack Sparrow lunchboxes! I remember when lunchboxes were reserved for the greats. Check out this beauty!

Nash: You had a lunchbox? Wait a second, who are you? I just thought you were the janitor or something.

Kangaroo: You don’t remember me? I was a beloved children’s television show host!

Nash: They let you around children? Looking like that?

Kangaroo: It was the 70s! Everyone dressed a little strangely.

Nash: Yeah, no offense, but you look like a pedophile. Honestly, I’d probably rather Jerry Sandusky look after my kids.

Everyone: (Awkward groaning)

Nash: What, too soon?

Sparrow: (Looking at Captain N) So what the hell are you supposed to be?

N: (Looks up from the Nintendo 3DS he has been concentrating on the entire time) Huh?

Sparrow: You, what’s your deal?

N: Oh sorry, I was just wrapped up playing Super Mario on the Nintendo 3DS.  It’s an amazing game!  Anyway, I’m Captain N. One day I was playing Nintendo and I was pulled into the TV, and I had to save Videoland! I got to fight alongside Simon Belmont. The same Simon Belmont who can be found in the exciting game Castlevania: Judgment on the Nintendo Wii!

Sparrow: So you’re basically a walking advertisement for Nintendo? And people say I whore myself out.

N: Hey, that’s not fair! I’m just trying to let everyone know that Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword is now available! You know, I met Link once. He’s taller than you’d expect.

Kangaroo: You got sucked into a computer and had to play video games? Back in my day, we called that Tron!

N: (Sighs) Yeah, it really was kind of a rip-off of Tron. Here was the funny thing about the whole situation: They thought I was some sort of expert video game player. But really, I kind of sucked at them.

Nash: Yeah, you seemed to be having a lot of trouble just beating King Hippo. Hey, who do you think would win in a fight? King Hippo or Captain Kangaroo?

Sparrow: (looks disdainfully at Captain Kangaroo) King Hippo.

Kangaroo: How can you say that? He’s morbidly obese!

Sparrow: You’re no supermodel yourself.

Nash: We gonna wrap this up soon? Apparently, the NBA lockup is ending, so I’ll have to actually start working again.

Author: Speaking of that…how have you been spending all your free time?

Nash: Here’s a hint: It rhymes with “woking smeed.” It’s not like they could test me for it! 

America: I certainly don’t approve of that! Drugs are bad!

Nash:  You’re one to talk, Mr. Super Soldier. Without drugs, you’d be skinnier than me.

America: Those drugs were taken in the name of freedom!

Nash: Sure they were, pal. Sure they were. Besides, drugs are the only way I can stand watching those stupid Pirate movies.

N: Yeah, those are way too boring for me.

Sparrow: Boring? I’m boring you all the way to the bank!

Kangaroo: In my day, we had classy pirates like Errol Flynn! Not freak shows like this guy!

Nash: And yet he still seemed masculine in comparison to Orlando Bloom. What happened to that guy? We wanted to like him! He was Legolas! Everyone loved Legolas! But every time he’s on screen now, I just want to punch him.

Sparrow: You’re not kidding. You know he perms his hair?

Nash: You ever talk to Richard Greico?

Sparrow: Yeah, sometimes he calls my house and just rants for about an hour. “It should have been me! I should have been Jack Sparrow! I should have been Edward Scissorhands! I should have been Batman!”

N: But you didn’t play Batman!

Sparrow: I know, but apparently he really hates Christian Bale. The guy’s got issues.

Author: Well guys, we’re just about out of time. Anything else you’d like to add?

N: Don’t forget to pick up Super Mario Wii!  It’s great fun for all ages!

Nash: Uh, you don’t happen to have any marij-

Author: And that’s all the time we have!  Thank you all for coming!

Retro Cereal of the Week

As Captain N would have surely told you, Nintendo used to have its own cereal: The Nintendo Cereal System!

Each box was split into two halves with each half housing a different cereal.  One was based on Super Mario Bros. with fruity Mario shapes, and the other had a Legend of Zelda theme with berry flavored Links. Apparently, neither kind tasted very good.

Children of the 80s might have loved Nintendo, but apparently not enough to buy a crappy tasting cereal just because it was Nintendo-themed.  After a couple of years, the cereal was discontinued.

Normally at this time, I’d provide a link that may or may not be an embarrassing picture of Dan Boger. But I’ve decided to retire that particular feature.

But I will not take away without giving you something in return.  So I’d like to introduce to our new closing feature…The Boger Meme! Enjoy!

Kickball Ramblings: The Great Debate - Indoor vs. Outdoor

If there’s one thing that I enjoy doing, it is bringing up questions for debate, making cases for both sides of the argument, and then ultimately deciding nothing.

So in that spirit, the latest question I will not answer is this: Are NAKID sports better when played indoors or outdoors?

Back in the day, there was really no reason for debate.  Regardless of whether you preferred your kickball to be played indoors or outdoors, you didn’t actually have a choice.  The winter season was for indoor kickball, and spring and fall were for outdoor kickball.  Everyone grudgingly accepted this and went about their business.

Guess it's time for indoor kickball

But now that both indoor and outdoor sports are offered during the summer and fall seasons, the question becomes more pertinent.  Or at least as pertinent as a question about social sports can be.

The biggest advantage for the indoor sports would seem to be the weather, or more accurately, the lack thereof.  No matter what the weather may be like outside, the conditions inside the YMCA gym are always perfect for playing sports.

In contrast, outdoor sports are always subject to the whims of Mother Nature.  And as anyone who played on Sundays this past fall can tell you, she can be a real bitch sometimes.

For the first few weeks of the season we had ball-meltingly hot temperatures.  It got so bad that I think a couple people might have spontaneously combusted one week.  For some reason, people tend to forget just how hot it gets in Washington during the summer, but those early games were a strong reminder. 

A scene from the National Mall in August. Yes, there are mountains in Washington now.

After the heat finally broke we got weeks upon weeks of rain.  While this might have been beneficial for the grass, it didn’t exactly enhance the kickball playing experience.

Nature finally relented slightly and we got some nice weather towards the end of the season.  But nature was apparently just teasing us, and for the weekend of the playoffs we suffered through unseasonable cold and a steady rain.

So at first glance, it would seem that the indoor sports have a huge advantage here. 

But on the other hand, aren’t the indoor players missing out on all the nice weather that we sometimes get? 

On the days when conditions are perfect, it seems like kind of a waste to be stuck inside.  When it’s 80 degrees and sunny, isn’t it nice to get to run around outside for an hour or so? 

So basically, as I mentioned at the start, I haven’t really taken a definitive stand on either side of the argument.  If you read this far expecting something different, then that’s your own fault.  It’s kind of like going to an Adam Sandler movie and expecting some sort of highbrow entertainment.

Speaking of Sandler, what happened to him?  His early movies were funny as hell.  And now, I’d be embarrassed to tell anyone that I was going to see one of his movies. 

I thought maybe it was because I’ve gotten older and my tastes have matured.  But I can still watch Happy Gilmore and laugh.  Would 19 year-old me think Jack and Jill was funny?  I can’t imagine that I would.

I’m just disappointed that AWESOM-O can’t come up with any ideas better than “Adam Sandler plays his own twin sister.”

Anyway, getting back to the original subject matter, perhaps I’ll present some further arguments the next time I get bored and decide to write something.

But for now, I’ll talk about another defunct cereal.

Retro Cereal of the Week

This week’s cerealicious blast from the past is Morning Funnies.

The main draw of this cereal was that the box featured comic strips from some of the day’s “favorite” Sunday comics.  I’m not sure exactly who considered Hi and Lois or Tiger to be among their favorite comics, but I suppose that some people out there might have really loved them.

It’s hard to figure how this cereal would have been successful.  Unless the cereal tasted really, really amazing, how much business could they expect from a comic strip gimmick?  Were they hoping that a large percentage of Americans simply couldn’t wait until Sunday to read new color comics, and were craving a mid-week fix?  

And it doesn’t seem like they’d get much repeat business either.  While there were a few different box variations, was there really any motivation to buy a box once you had already read the comics the first time?

Apparently, the back flap of the box which contained the comics was considered to be a big innovation in the world of cereal box manufacturing.  According to this guy’s LinkedIn profile, he won an award for it: http://www.linkedin.com/in/blairentenmann

And we shall conclude with another link that may (or may not) be an embarrassing picture of Dan Boger: http://tinyurl.com/2efghrm

Kickball Ramblings: It's Back...with Answers

It's been a while since I wrote anything here.  So I'm sure you have some questions.  But don't worry, I have answers.

Q: Why hasn't the Brew been updated much recently?

A: Because I haven't had much free time.

Sorry, let me start over.  My fourth grade teacher used to teach that we should never begin an answer with 'Because.' She said we should include the question in the answer. So, the above sentence should read 'The Brew hasn't been updated much recently because I haven't had much free time.'

The annoying thing about giving complete answers like that (aside from the extra effort it took) was that the worksheets we were given didn't provide much space to write the answer to the question. So we’d end up having to write part of the answers on the margins of the paper. I'm guessing that they assumed that most students would not include the question as part of their answer.

I don't want to come off as negative towards my fourth grade teacher. Ms. Murray was a very good teacher, and probably the best teacher I had in elementary school. Making students put in a little extra effort is probably a very good thing. But it was just a little annoying at the time.

In hindsight, one thing that bothers me about elementary school is how much emphasis they placed on having good handwriting. Has having poor handwriting ever held anyone back?  I mean, maybe it might exclude you from a career as a calligrapher, but that's about it.

I'll give the teachers the benefit of the doubt since they probably didn't realize just how computer based society would be in 2011. But still, it seems like there were much more important lessons that they could be teaching children instead of “you need to have nice handwriting.”

Of course, if I had to read and grade a bunch of papers from students, I’d probably want them all to have clear handwriting too.

As far as the original question goes, I'll elaborate by saying that I write stuff for the Brew in my spare time. But my job has required me to do a lot of actual work lately, and I feel like I should also spend some time with my family. 

You may disagree with my decision, but look at it this way: If I neglect the Kickball Ramblings, chances are that it won't start taking drugs or become a stripper when it gets older.  On the other hand, I feel it is my utmost responsibility to prevent that from happening to my daughter.

It could happen

Q: I am on several different teams. When I go to the party this weekend, which team should I hang out with?

A: The one with the most attractive people obviously. 

But if you can't decide which team is the most attractive, or if you'd like to be a little less shallow, I suppose you can just hang out with the people who are the most enjoyable to be around. Or is that too obvious of an answer?

You could always avoid the problem by spreading your time around equally. I mean, there's no rule saying you have to spend all your time with the same people. 

Or you could even try to venture out and meet new people.  You might even meet people that are more fun than your teammates.

Q: I think I might drink too much.  How can I tell?

A: It all depends on how you behave when you drink.

If you frequently wake up in unknown places or next to unknown people, then you might drink too much.

If you become angry and violent when drunk, then you might drink too much.

If you often require the assistance of other people just to survive the night, then you might drink too much.

But if you’re the type of person who gets happy and more pleasant to be around when you’re drunk, then you probably don’t drink enough.

Q: My team sucked last season.  Do you have any advice as to how we can improve?

A: Yes, you should find a new team. You’ve already established yourselves as a bunch of losers, so your best hope is to split up and hope the loser taint hasn’t infected you each individually.

Then again, if your team was still able to have a good time despite the losing, then you might want to reconsider. It isn't that hard to turn a losing squad into a team that is at least competitive.  But finding a fun team? That can be considerably harder.

Sometimes all it takes to improve is having another year of experience. And you could always try to add some more athletic players to the team.  

And isn't it somewhat more rewarding to help a losing team develop into a winning one rather than simply jumping to an already loaded team?

Retro Cereal of the Week

In honor of Halloween, our featured cereal from the past will be Fruity Yummy Mummy.

FYM was part of the Count Chocula/Franken Berry family of monster cereals.  It was introduced in 1987 to replace the similar tasting Fruit Brute, which featured a werewolf.

Apparently, General Mills thought that a mummy would be more effective in selling cereal to children than a werewolf.  They were wrong, as FYM only lasted a few years before being similarly discontinued.

Here's a commercial:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIuZDftRFvg

That isn't exactly what I'd imagine a mummy's voice to sound like.

Apparently, General Mills has now made the decision to only sell their monster cereals during the Halloween season.  So if you’re a big fan of Count Chocula or Boo Berry, I suggest that you stock up this week.

Kickball Ramblings: The Joys of Recruitment

Registration for the fall season has opened. That means that team captains are scurrying about, trying to get their rosters filled.

When building their team roster, some team captains are of the “the more the merrier” mindset in which they want their team to be as large as possible.

"I think we only need a couple more people!"

I can see the merits of this approach. More people on the team equals more people to hang out and party with. A large roster also helps counter the inevitable erosion of a team’s roster that occurs throughout a season.

Other captains prefer smaller teams. They feel that with a smaller roster, the team is more intimate, and everyone gets more playing time.

But even the smallest team needs to have over twenty people on it, so the captains are going to have to find a way to get players aboard.

So how does one go about building a team?

For a returning team, the process is usually pretty simple. The captain tells the team members “Hey, we’re coming back. Sign up.” Unless the team really sucks or the captain is a huge douchebag (and sometimes because of it), many of them do indeed return.

For a new team, the process can be more complex. Usually a team will start out with a core group of people who then recruit their friends and associates to fill out the roster. Theoretically, this works wonderfully, as friends of friends are introduced and social circles are expanded, and everyone has a splendid time.

Of course sometimes the friends of friends don’t get along so well and the team turns out to be a disaster. Or sometimes the people who got talked into joining decide that kickball “just isn’t their thing” and quit the team. (I know, I know. It seems strange to me too, but some people just don’t like having fun.)

Aside from combing their social circles, there are a few ways to get more players onto a team:

You could just hope that random people sign up for the team. Sometimes these randoms are awesome people who just haven’t found the right team yet. And other times, they’re just weirdos. Either way, it should at least be an interesting experience. 

 "Hi!  I'm your new teammate!"

Some captains like to solicit their team on Facebook. Personally, I’ve never liked that approach since I try to be more exclusive about who is on my team. And with my natural charisma, good looks, and modesty, people tend to flock to my team anyway. 

But for teams that need some roster padding, it seems like a reasonably good way to get word out.

One method that has caused some problems in the past is when captains poach players from other teams. Sometimes people would genuinely be a better fit on a different team. But when teams actively recruit players off of existing teams, it can lead to hostility and bitterness.

On the other hand, I’ve mentioned before that a little bit of rivalry can be good for the league. So maybe teammate poaching is just the thing we need. I fully encourage every team captain to steal a player from another team this weekend.

Just don’t try to steal anyone from my team. They’ll only end up disappointed. And I might have to cut you.

Retro Cereal of the Week

Our featured cereal this week is OJ's.

Round in shape and orange in color, OJ's claimed to have some nutritional value, containing actual fruit juice and the same amount of vitamin C as a glass of orange juice.

But if history has taught us one thing, it is that children’s cereals that claim to be nutritious typically don’t fare too well. Kids want sugar and marshmallows, not juice and vitamins! OJs only lasted about a year before heading to the big orchard in the sky.

As a child, I loved these things. I wasn’t allowed to have sugary cereals on school days, so this was a close to a “fun” cereal as I was going to get. I have fond memories of waking up and watching Voltron while enjoying a bowl of OJ's. I was quite saddened by their demise.

And as usual, we conclude with a Link that may (or may not) be an Embarrassing Picture of Dan Boger!

http://tinyurl.com/3ufnhhc

Yeah, it's not a picture of him.  But I figured the picture above was torture enough.

Kickball Ramblings: A Day in the Life of a NAKID - The No-Show

Editor's note: A few seasons ago The Kickball Ramblings started a series depicting a day in the life of various types of NAKIDs (to be combined in the future into an easy reference). Here is the next installment.

This is another look at a Day in the Life of a NAKID. While the subjects described might be fictional stereotypes, I’m sure you might recognize them anyway.

In this installment, I will chronicle the day of The Girl Who Doesn't Show Up to the Game.

7:30 AM – She climbs out of bed and undergoes her normal weekday pre-work routine.

9:10 AM – After settling in at work, she checks her personal email. She sees an email from the captain of her kickball team asking if she's coming to the game tonight.

9:11 AM – She suddenly realizes that it's Thursday and she was supposed to go to kickball...except she forgot to bring her stuff with her.

9:12 AM – She re-reads the email and sees that it is directed to just a few people on the team who didn't respond to the game invite he had sent out. Apparently, the team is short on girls, so he needs some of them to come or else they'll give up penalty runs. She assumes that this is a bad thing.

9:15 AM – She internally wavers about whether or not to go. She wants to go, but it would be a huge pain to have to stop back home and then go to the Mall. But she's already missed two games, and it feels like a waste of money if she doesn't go. Plus, she supposes that the team does need her because of those penalty runs or whatever.

9:30 AM – She emails two of her friends on the team to see if they're going to the game.

12:03 PM – She takes her lunch break and checks her email again. One of her friends has emailed her back saying that she was going to go, but she's tired and is going to skip the game.

2:05 PM – The captain emails her again. He says that they could really use her, but she needs to let him know one way or another. This is too much pressure!

3:00 PM – Her other friend emails her back saying that she's going, encouraging her to go.

3:05 PM – After further internal debate, she decides that she'll go to the game. She'll have to leave work a little early in order to make it home and then back to the Mall in time.

3:07 PM – She emails the captain telling him that she's coming, but because she has to go home, she might be a little late.

3:10 PM – The captain writes back, encouraging her to try to make it on time because they only have four girls coming, and if she isn't there at the start, they have to give up a penalty run. She decides that he is a bit obsessed with these penalty runs.

3:12 PM – She starts to get angry at the other girls on the team for being so flaky. There are like 20 girls on the team, so why is it up to her to be on time?

4:30 PM – She has to leave by 5:30, but she isn't close to being done with her work. She once again considers simply skipping the game.

5:35 PM – Despite not being finished with her work, she leaves the office and walks to the Metro.

5:54 PM – What a surprise – there's a delay on the Metro. She texts her friend so that she can tell the captain that she's almost definitely going to be late.

6:02 PM – The Metro finally arrives, and she gets on board a crowded, hot train.

6:08 PM – The train is moving painfully slow.

6:16 PM – She finally arrives at her stop. She fights her way through the gate and up the escalator.

6:24 PM – She enters her apartment, already exhausted.

6:26 PM – After throwing down her work stuff, she goes rifling through her hamper trying to find her NAKID shirt.

6:29 PM – She can't find her shirt, so she just grabs a random red shirt.

6:32 PM – She tries to remember where she left her sneakers.  She begins digging through her closet.

6:39 PM – After finding her sneakers, she runs out the door. She considers taking a cab to the game, but doesn't want to spend the money. She takes her chances with the Metro.

6:42 PM – She reaches the Metro. She hopes that she'll just make a train. When she arrives, she sees that there is an eight minute wait for the train. Realizing that she'll be late anyway, she finally gives up and heads back to her apartment.

6:43 PM – She texts her friend telling her that she's not going to make it.

6:51 PM – She arrives back home and finally relaxes. Her spirits rise after eating dinner and watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother.

The Next Day

9:10 AM – She checks her email to find a nasty email from her team captain. He says that since only two girls came to the game, they gave up three penalty runs (seriously, get over it, dude!) and ended up losing by one run. He sarcastically thanks the girls who said they were going to come and simply didn't show up.

9:11 AM – She becomes angry at all the other girls on the team who didn't show up. She makes a vow to remember to bring her stuff with her next week so she can actually make the game.


Trivia Question

Cap'n Crunch's first name is Horatio. Because she is a master of Google, Alena once again correctly answered the question.

This week's question: The Phillie Phanatic is obviously the greatest baseball mascot. Who do I consider to be the 2nd best?

Answers can be submitted via comment or by emailing me at TreachX@yahoo.com